Dealing with Pain

Pain. I have a thirst for it. I am starting to accept it. It hurts, oh, it hurts. But I am becoming immune to it. I love the pain. It motivates me. I endure it because I can. I am not sure if pain is a feeling or a reaction. Whatever it is, I feel. So much, in fact, it buckles me to the fetal position. I lie there resembling an infant. Brought to my knees by thoughts that hurt me. 

Physical pain versus psychological pain. What is worst? Which pain is hurts more? For me, it is the psychological pain. It hurts so much. Pain from the inside out. I cannot describe it to others. I can't say it hurts like giving birth or stubbing a toe. Comprehension of the pain I feel is virtually impossible to identify with. That's why I accept the pain. I welcome it. It drives me. Motivation feels good. The potential of being motivated can reach incredible heights. Pain comes from all kinds of thoughts and feelings. I wrote about thoughts and feelings before. Since I cannot control them, I will harvest power and energy from them. I am recycling the pain. Pain, unlike death, stays with you. Death leaves no feeling. Pain? Pain maybe the greatest feeling I have. I know it is there. I cannot destroy and I am not sure if I want to. It's like a shot of adrenaline. It excites me. I used to pretend to not feel anything. Pain is my drug. I know there is going to be some 'painful' thoughts and 'feelings' during my battle. I am going to embrace that pain. Harness that pain and make it mine. I am going to control that pain. I will not quit, no matter how much it hurts. Pain is temporary according to some. I don't live with that luxury. I will have it forever. Pain is good for me. It makes me feel alive. I can handle the pain. If I could, I would take everyone's pain away from them because I can take it. I have seen the darkness of my thoughts and the depths of my feelings. I have seen the shadows it can cast. I know where I can go. I feel limitless. I know no boundaries. I thank pain for that. Out of pain will come a stronger man. I am done fighting the pain. I can't win that battle. Too hard. 

So since I cannot defeat it or rid of it, I will accept it. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Pain makes me stronger. It's like the old phrase, "if you can't beat them, might as well join them." Pain, I am coming for you!